It is almost Christmas, only a few days away and as usual at this time of year things usually become stressful and financial difficulties tend to arise. These things along with everything else that has been happening in my life over the past few months is causing me to feel like giving up. It has been a tough week for me. The realization that my life is in shambles has hit me hard. Not only has my life been turned up side down but so has the life of the people around me. My addiction, although I am clean now, hasn’t just affected me but also affected these people I hold close to me.
This week my husband had to move out of the house he was living in due to the sale of the property. This also meant that my son had to move too. Already I had exited his life because of my meth addiction and my outrageous mood changes and abuse. Then his cat died suspiciously after a fight I had with junkies that lived next door to my husband and my son, this fight was extremely confronting for me not to mention a 4 year old. My husband then got the notice that he had to move in 3 weeks, 6 days before Christmas they had to move. The reason behind the sale was because of the drama within the shared property. (it was a property with 3 houses on it) The drama was caused by come downs of meth from both me and the neighbours over the past months. My son and husband had no place to move into. My son was confused. He had never moved before. he asked with tears streaming down his face why his things were being thrown away. They weren’t, we were just packing. Then the questions about where the new house arose and unfortunately we were unable to tell him because the fact that there was no house.
Luckily my mother in law lives half an hour away and he is currently living with her and her partner. However my husband was unable to live there because it was too far from work. This caused more stress on our son. he had now lost his father as well. he feels abandoned and confused by everybody and blames himself. He is only 4! He had no Christmas tree to decorate and no presents waiting for him. He has lost his mother, father, house and pet. My heart is torn into pieces and he calls me in tears wanting me to come back, asking me for hugs. I feel hopeless and regret everything I did to lead up to this childs world of heartache and destruction bought on by my actions and selfish decisions.
I am the cause of these problems. I hurt my child emotionally. Something a mother is meant to save a child from and I created it. Meth has destroyed this innocent persons life. It destroyed my life and my marriage. I have put unnecessary responsibility onto my mother in law and my sister in law.
Meth doesnt just have an affect on the addict but it really does affect others.
lonelyrecovery 