Last Chance

So here I am…AGAIN. I have relapsed that many times that it is becoming ridiculous. however this time is different. my reasons for quitting are different and I am feeling stronger than before. This time I am quitting for myself and nobody else. Yes i am selfish but this time im selfish for all the right reasons. This is why this time is different.

I have seen addiction from another perspective. somebody i had considered to be a close friend, one of my closest chose the drug meth over me. He was meant to come visit, take a 5 minute detour home to pop by and say hello, to simply catch up however he chose to spent time with his pipe, with crystal instead. t was heartbreaking to have that happen. But i had done the exact same thing time and time again and lied about it to my friends and family, over and over. at least this friend didnt lie. He never lied.

Then in the same week just a few days apart I had to call the ambulance to take my friend to hospital as a result of drugs ruining a lovely, caring, giving friend. I was worried for his mental health after he had been awake for days on end. Normally it meant simply falling asleep and eating and the user be good as new the following day, but this time was different, he didnt come good. I was left with no choice.

Just a few weeks before this I was the one that was being put into the mental health loony bin. I was psycodic and was on a mission to chop up the guy that first gave me meth after it was confirmed that he had sexually molested his own daughter. This wasnt who I was, I would never inflict pain on anybody no matter what they have done. I had become a monster. My partner was the one to call the police to remove me from my home. Removing my friend showed me how my partner had felt. It was heartbreaking also.

Then there was the fit. I dont suffer from anything in order to cause fits. I strongly believe it was from the high dosage of the drug, ice that caused me to have a seizure. I was using half a gram to a gram a day! I worked it out to be a $140,000 habit. I had lost a shocking about of weight, 15kg, in just as little as a month.

All situations had led me to the decision that I had to quit and quit for good. It hasnt been easy. In fact it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

At first I had felt figgity and anxious. I had also gone to my very first NA meeting. It gave me hope and at last I felt human again compared to me usual monster self I had become. I had also felt as if i was infected with the flu. Everything ached and there was no position that felt comfortable. The worst stage was day 5 off the drug. The day where meth had officially vanished from my system and my body had gone into shock. I become extremely anxious, uncomfortable, mad at everything and anything and ended up smashing whatever glass i had in the house. This is the day i went to the hospital for anti psychotic medication. The next 2 days i was lethargic and slept most of the day. I have now gained a little energy and forced myself to do things.

I couldnt have done it without the help and patience of my partner and family. It has also been there problem along the way and no matter how much grief i selfishly put them through, they have stuck by me and that has been the most amazing gift of medication and support an addict needs.